The Akatsuki Host Club
by MaliciousFrost
Summary: Each Akatsuki has been kicked out of their homes and given 50000 yen to survive for 5 years. For spoiled Akatsuki brats in modern day Tokyo, 50000 yen is like getting a nickel, so what do they do? Why, band together and start a host club, of course!


The Akatsuki Host Club

Chapter 1: Meet the Escorts

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"You take her."

"No, _you_. I already met my quota of ugly, old women tonight."

"Your last one wasn't even that ugly!"

"She had a fucking bald spot the size of Hokkaido!"

Deidara fought a smile. But it was a losing battle. He burst out into giggles. "_Yeah_ she did! You and Itachi got punked!"

Hidan hardened his gaze into a murderous glare. He wanted to strangle Deidara with his own tie. "So that's why you and Sasori are taking that damn hag. Itachi's gonna punch a fucking hole in your face if he finds out you made us take another ugly chick."

At the front desk, Konan glanced over at Deidara and Hidan and tried to make out their fervent whispers. God. Weren't they coming yet? This woman was already shelling out cash for the first hour. A pair of escorts was supposed to be flirting and flattering her five minutes ago, the moment she walked through the double doors.

Hidan shoved Deidara roughly, practically into the arms of the obese, forty year old, recently divorced woman. "Get you ass over there," Hidan growled into his ear, and then added spitefully, "I hope you choke on her big-ass, afro perm, you dickweed."

Deidara frowned at him before gesturing to Sasori, who was sipping some sake from a bottle. Sasori took one look at their next client and frantically shook his head, furiously mouthing, "No! No way in hell!" He jabbed a finger in Hidan's direction, to which Deidara swept the tips of his fingers a few times across his throat.

"Damn," Deidara heard him murmur as he downed the entire bottle of sake in preparation for a rough hour.

"Here's your receipt, miss," Karin said, eyeing the approaching pair. "Thank you for choosing the Akatsuki Host Club. We hope you enjoy your time here."

Deidara flashed her a winning smile. "Good evening. My name is Deidara."

"And I'm Sasori," Sasori choked out, his wide, horror-filled eyes taking in her great girth. She had the capability to crush them both if she sat on them, and no amount of alcohol was going to dull the pain if she did. "May we be your escorts tonight?"

The next woman who walked through the doors was an attractive, obviously well off client. Hidan was on her the moment one of her Prada stiletto heels hovered over the threshold. With a sigh, Itachi got up off the couch, his face deadpanned.

"He has no fucking expression," Hidan thought as Itachi joined him. "He's lucky he has a pretty face. Goddamn, I hate being his partner. It's like having to flirt for two people."

"Good evening, I'm Itachi."

"And I'm Hidan. May we be your escorts tonight?"

The woman giggled into her hand, blushing. Two handsome men were soon pouring her drinks and lavishing her with attention. It didn't get any better than this.

When the night was through, they received their commissions. Kakuzu, the penny-pinching manager and accountant cried tears of utmost anguish as he paid the escorts.

Sasori left immediately for the apartment after he had gotten his pay. Deidara laughed as Kakuzu dealt out the bills into his outstretched hand. "He feels like my pimp," he said, tittering. He had downed three bottles of vodka, two sakes, and a Don Perignon while entertaining his guests. Somehow, he was still alive. Out of all the hosts, he had the highest alcohol tolerance and and a naturally vibrant personality, which explained how he almost always earned the most money.

Hidan left too once the money was in his hand. He recounted it as he left. Twenty thousand and fifty yen. Not bad for a single night. It was going to go into his rent, some weed, and a few popo bribes.

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A/N: Hello everyone! This story was inspired by a BBC documentary on host clubs in Japan. Here's the link (just take out the spaces): http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=EURNpbsdw1c

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Chapter 2 (Haruno Sakura Desu!) Preview:

Hidan ignored him and turned back to Sakura. "I'm gonna be on your ass from now on. You better watch your back."


End file.
